I've grown up in the Christian church my entire life. Ergo, my entire life, I've heard the same message regarding sex: it's really great for when you're married, but until then, just don't do it. However, not once in my life has anyone had a frank and honest discussion of how to achieve the latter. No one recognizes the fact that God made us to be sexual beings and, as such, you will have certain desires. I've listened to many lectures about how to "say no" if some guy is trying to pressure you into something. But no one has ever addressed how to deal with it when there is no guy. When it's simply your own body wanting something that you're not supposed to have. Oh, some people might throw out there: "just go read the Bible." But that doesn't fix anything. To be blunt, that doesn't stop you from being horny. No one tells you what to do with that. Oh, from what I understand, they address issues of porn and masturbation a bit more in depth with guys. But I guess that they just think that girls, unless there's a guy pressuring them, will never feel a sexual desire...and can never be turned on visually... Well that's just sad, in my opinion.
And people wonder why I'm so in favour of comprehensive sex education. Because at least then they're honest about something. They recognize the fact that it's not quite as simple as just sliding a "promise ring" on your finger or signing a "true love waits" contract. They recognize that, no matter how hard you try, most people will not remain abstinent. And so comprehensive sex education tells you how to deal with sex in a healthy and safe way. It's not a perfect solution, but at least they start with honesty. That's something.
I don't have a boyfriend. I've never had sex, and I've never even kissed anyone. But I still struggle with this on a daily basis. And my response hasn't always been above reproach. Far from, in fact. And I know that I'm not the only one. So why does no one talk about this? Are we, as Christians and as a culture, really so naive to think that people don't struggle with this? That our simplistic responses of "just say no" and "it's great in the context of marriage, but stay away till then" are really going to take away people's inherent sexual needs and desires?
Why do I feel such shame to even admit that I don't know how to deal with my own sexuality? Around some friends, I'm ashamed to admit my utter lack of sexual experience, while around other friends I'm even more ashamed to admit my own sexual desires.
One of my greatest hopes is that one day the church can take a cue from comprehensive sex education. Maybe one day they can start with honesty. Stop bullshitting around and making it seem like it's as simple as "just say no!" Stop making us feel like even admitting the fact that we are sexual beings is somehow sinful. God made us this way. We don't start being sexual beings when a wedding ring gets on our fingers or even when we start having a serious romantic relationship. No, our sexuality emerges with puberty and continues to get stronger over the next few decades. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.
So, tell me, what are the solutions? And don't give me easy one-liners and then walk away. Because we both know that it's not nearly that simple.
Start. Being. Honest.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Pro-gay marriage, pro-choice. And still a Christian...
"I don't have a limited enough view of God to believe that a U.S. law has the power to de-sanctify His plan for marriage."
Thank you, Brittany Jo, for reminding me once again why I'm friends with you. And why I still have the "audacity" to be a flaming, bleeding heart, crazy, bordering-on-Commie, liberal Democrat...and still a Christian.
No, my ethics, morals, and salvation are not compromised. No, I have not disregarded God for the sake of appeasing my own partisan political desires. But instead I am a Christian who happens to live in a country which is governed, not by the Bible (thank God), but by a very-well written (though still fallible) Constitution. No, this Constitution was not somehow "ordained by God." It is just a document written by a bunch of old white men a couple hundred years ago to govern this grand experiment called the United States of America.
Nowhere in the Bible or in this wonderful founding document does it say, "every good Christian should agree upon a couple of political issues." And yet that is what I have been told over and over again throughout the years by my brothers and sisters in Christ. They always use that phrase, too: "a couple issues." As if no one could possibly decipher which two partisan issues are believed to be the essential "Christian" political issues...
Well my Religious Right brethren, I think I've cracked your ingenious code:
Thank you, Brittany Jo, for reminding me once again why I'm friends with you. And why I still have the "audacity" to be a flaming, bleeding heart, crazy, bordering-on-Commie, liberal Democrat...and still a Christian.
No, my ethics, morals, and salvation are not compromised. No, I have not disregarded God for the sake of appeasing my own partisan political desires. But instead I am a Christian who happens to live in a country which is governed, not by the Bible (thank God), but by a very-well written (though still fallible) Constitution. No, this Constitution was not somehow "ordained by God." It is just a document written by a bunch of old white men a couple hundred years ago to govern this grand experiment called the United States of America.
Nowhere in the Bible or in this wonderful founding document does it say, "every good Christian should agree upon a couple of political issues." And yet that is what I have been told over and over again throughout the years by my brothers and sisters in Christ. They always use that phrase, too: "a couple issues." As if no one could possibly decipher which two partisan issues are believed to be the essential "Christian" political issues...
Well my Religious Right brethren, I think I've cracked your ingenious code:
- Abortion
- Gay Marriage
Every time one of these two issues is brought up in a Christian setting, and I announce my vehement opposition to the opinions of those around me, my morals, my integrity, and my very salvation are scrutinized and even denounced.
Yes, I am pro-gay marriage. Yes, I am pro-choice.
No, I'm not going to hell because of the preceding statements.
It's not the government's job to go into our bedrooms and tell us whether or not our sexual exploits or even who we choose to love falls in line with their interpretation of Scriptures. Furthermore, Loving v. Virginia makes clear that marriage is a right of every American. These simple facts and the line uttered by my oh-so-brilliant roommate at the beginning of this post make me an ardent supporter of the right of every individual to marry, regardless of sexual orientation.
When it comes to abortion, I am a realist. I recognize that, no matter the legal status of an abortion procedure, women will still have abortions. The only difference will be in the safety and regulation of that procedure. Furthermore, Congress and the states will never get enough support to pass a constitutional amendment which outlaws the procedure nor will the Supreme Court ever overturn its stance on abortion (even the most conservative members of the court respect precedent too much to overturn Roe). So my primary focus will always be on promoting policies which reduce unwanted pregnancy. No, this does not mean abstinence-only education. Quite the opposite, in fact.
But I digress. The Bible does not lay out a political roadmap for Christians to follow. There is only one time which Christ talks about regarding Christians are supposed to interact with the government: "give to Caesar what is Caesar's." He doesn't say, "overthrow Caesar and use his throne to promote my moral code." He doesn't even advise anyone to try and influence Caesar in this direction. He simply says, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's."
Jesus didn't come in as a rider on a white horse overthrowing the Roman empire (despite the desires of the people for a Messiah such as this). He just came as a lowly carpenter-turned-Rabbi who traveled from town to town doing good works and miracles and spreading His message of love for all. To me, that doesn't sound like the rallying cry for any specific American political party.
I can't say for sure that Jesus would have been a Democrat or a Republican. I do believe that Jesus cared deeply for the poor, the needy, the prisoners, and the outcasts. These are the things which lead me to believe that He may have leaned liberal on issues of welfare, crime-policy, and, yes, even gay rights. But I don't know for sure. And I would never claim to know. Jesus never specifically told us what to believe politically or how to vote. He also never said that how we vote must always be directly in-line with our moral/ethical code. All He said was, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's." Take that for what it is, but not for what it is not.
But I digress. The Bible does not lay out a political roadmap for Christians to follow. There is only one time which Christ talks about regarding Christians are supposed to interact with the government: "give to Caesar what is Caesar's." He doesn't say, "overthrow Caesar and use his throne to promote my moral code." He doesn't even advise anyone to try and influence Caesar in this direction. He simply says, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's."
Jesus didn't come in as a rider on a white horse overthrowing the Roman empire (despite the desires of the people for a Messiah such as this). He just came as a lowly carpenter-turned-Rabbi who traveled from town to town doing good works and miracles and spreading His message of love for all. To me, that doesn't sound like the rallying cry for any specific American political party.
I can't say for sure that Jesus would have been a Democrat or a Republican. I do believe that Jesus cared deeply for the poor, the needy, the prisoners, and the outcasts. These are the things which lead me to believe that He may have leaned liberal on issues of welfare, crime-policy, and, yes, even gay rights. But I don't know for sure. And I would never claim to know. Jesus never specifically told us what to believe politically or how to vote. He also never said that how we vote must always be directly in-line with our moral/ethical code. All He said was, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's." Take that for what it is, but not for what it is not.
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