I've been waiting to do this for a long time now: find a way to tangibly help those affected by sexual assault and rape. I am devoting my life to this cause, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually making a difference.
I'm worried though. The reason why I chose to go down the route of prosecutor and not counselor is because I'm the type of person who needs to get into the fight. I'm also a firm believer in the criminal justice system and in bringing the perpetrators to justice. Yet my role as a hotline counselor and hospital advocate is not to push the survivor in any given direction but instead just to be there, to listen, and to provide resources and information. It's not my job to give advice or to tell the survivor what I think that they should do. I found that trusting my instincts is really helpful on hotline calls, but how do I make sure that I suppress my instinct to push the survivor in the direction that I think they should go?
I have this incredible call on my life and passion in my heart to help the least in this world. I can't shut it off. It doesn't go away after the time and tears and years and fears. And yet despite this passion inside, the actual physical actions which I take on behalf of my fellow man so far have been minuscule. I've been on a couple missions trips. I support a couple kids. I rally for a few causes. But the majority of my life right now is lived in the waiting, in the preparation, in the academic. It's the nature of being a student: preparing for the life you truly want to live (or at least for the career you think you want). As many of my professors have said, this is the one time in my life where I will have the freedom to ask the questions, the time to philosophize and wonder, the encouragement just to think and to learn. And it is undeniably and unquestionably one of the favourite parts of life.
So my life right now is a continuous conundrum: frustration at living in a state of perpetual suspended animation, waiting to be able to pursue my true passion, all the while absolutely adoring living within the hollowed halls of academia and not having to actually step out into the real world of hard work and true responsibility.
I'm also wondering if there can be such a thing as true altruism. Can a person truly do something for another person(s) out of entirely selfless motivations? Or am I only volunteering at DCRCC to gain a new set of skills, to enhance my resume, and to get a good feeling inside? I'm contemplating going on a missions trip to Greece this coming summer, but I don't want to go if my only motivations are selfish. Obviously, when it comes to any trip to an amazing place like Greece, there's going to be some selfish desire to see the country, but I honestly do care about the cause, and I want to make a difference. Is it selfish to want to get first hand experience dealing with an issue which I am passionate about? Can one person on one missions trip through one church really make any difference? Or can the only purpose behind short term missions be egocentric? Do we do it to feel better about ourselves, to feel less guilty about our wealth and our comfortable, easy lives?
I wrote this poem several years ago about the idea of giving away money to a worthy cause (fighting AIDS in Zambia) just to assuage our own guilt, and it keeps popping into my head:
I’m not writing this to ride you down with guilt
Until you crawl home and drop a bill
Into a little orange box
With pictures of smiling faces you’ll never know.
Just so that you can once again forget
That there is life beyond
Your megamalls, iTunes, and facebook blogs.
You’re continually spoon fed messages
That if you just
DO SOMETHING
You’re better than everyone else
In this wretched, immoral world
But does it really make you better?
When you know what’s really going on
Yet feel that your job is done
Once those coins hit that box?
Yes, it’s true that every penny helps,
But when we spend 5 dollars every day
On coffee alone,
I have to ask, are pennies really enough?
The average person in this blissfully ignorant country
Spends more money on coffee every day
Than millions of people live on in a week
And it just doesn’t seem right.
Yet every day I hear another one boast:
“We’re the best country in the world!”
And I have to ask,
How can you be so ignorant?
Even though God demands our first 10%,
As a supposedly Christian nation,
You can’t even muster 1%
To save the lives of their dying children!
But, wait, I forgot:
You’re spending that money
Finding new ways to kill your children.
You spend your millions
On the perfect body, car, and clothes
While another one dies
Because you can’t spare enough to save her.
Or maybe you do save one,
And you think it’s enough
So you return to the comfort
Of your American Dream
And you press on in the hopes that one day –
But what if you tried something different?
What if you thought about that woman?
Who loves her kid so much
That she would knowingly subject herself
To death by AIDS
Just so her little girl can eat for one more day
She makes the same amount of money
Selling her body on the streets
That you carelessly throw into that box
At the end of every day.
What if, for once, you loved this woman?
Who has more love in her
Than you could ever hope to have
Even though she has nothing in this world.
We always claim that, by giving a dollar
We’re being Jesus to these people,
But, truly, who’s more like Christ?
The one who drops their pocket change into a little box
Just to feel better about themselves
Or the one who lays down her life for her daughter?
Truly, whatever you do for this woman,
You do for Christ.
So I’m not going to tell you what you need to do
You already know
And it doesn’t involve going home
And emptying your pockets
Into a little orange box
Stop talking, and start acting.
And never stop.
Because even though life goes on for you,
If you don’t make a difference,
Who will make sure her life does to?
So never stop.
Until you crawl home and drop a bill
Into a little orange box
With pictures of smiling faces you’ll never know.
Just so that you can once again forget
That there is life beyond
Your megamalls, iTunes, and facebook blogs.
You’re continually spoon fed messages
That if you just
DO SOMETHING
You’re better than everyone else
In this wretched, immoral world
But does it really make you better?
When you know what’s really going on
Yet feel that your job is done
Once those coins hit that box?
Yes, it’s true that every penny helps,
But when we spend 5 dollars every day
On coffee alone,
I have to ask, are pennies really enough?
The average person in this blissfully ignorant country
Spends more money on coffee every day
Than millions of people live on in a week
And it just doesn’t seem right.
Yet every day I hear another one boast:
“We’re the best country in the world!”
And I have to ask,
How can you be so ignorant?
Even though God demands our first 10%,
As a supposedly Christian nation,
You can’t even muster 1%
To save the lives of their dying children!
But, wait, I forgot:
You’re spending that money
Finding new ways to kill your children.
You spend your millions
On the perfect body, car, and clothes
While another one dies
Because you can’t spare enough to save her.
Or maybe you do save one,
And you think it’s enough
So you return to the comfort
Of your American Dream
And you press on in the hopes that one day –
But what if you tried something different?
What if you thought about that woman?
Who loves her kid so much
That she would knowingly subject herself
To death by AIDS
Just so her little girl can eat for one more day
She makes the same amount of money
Selling her body on the streets
That you carelessly throw into that box
At the end of every day.
What if, for once, you loved this woman?
Who has more love in her
Than you could ever hope to have
Even though she has nothing in this world.
We always claim that, by giving a dollar
We’re being Jesus to these people,
But, truly, who’s more like Christ?
The one who drops their pocket change into a little box
Just to feel better about themselves
Or the one who lays down her life for her daughter?
Truly, whatever you do for this woman,
You do for Christ.
So I’m not going to tell you what you need to do
You already know
And it doesn’t involve going home
And emptying your pockets
Into a little orange box
Stop talking, and start acting.
And never stop.
Because even though life goes on for you,
If you don’t make a difference,
Who will make sure her life does to?
So never stop.
I don't want to become the very person that I'm frustrated with in this poem. I don't want to be a person who just gives a few dollars and maybe a few hours just so that I can move on with my life without feeling guilty.
I want to be the type of person that truly can act altruistically. But does volunteering at DCRCC qualify? My guess would be probably, but what about this missions trip to fight human trafficking in Greece? It reminds me a little of the missions trip that my high school youth group went on to the Bahamas several years ago. I didn't go with and one of the reasons was because...well...the Bahamas? For a missions trip? Really?? And I think part of my has that same reaction to the idea of Greece as a destination for a supposedly altruistic venture. But the fact of the matter is that Europe is becoming a stronghold for human trafficking and the A21 Campaign is doing phenomenal work there. So I guess I just need to check my motives. And find out more info about what NCC will actually be doing there.
But maybe I'm over-thinking all of this. Jesus said, "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me." I believe that every individual on the face of this earth is made in the image of God and thus deserves equality and deserves justice. So if I can bring some little bit of justice and/or equality to the lives of those who have been sold and trafficked as sex slaves half way across the world, then count me in. Jesus doesn't say "Whatever you do for the least of these as long as your motives are entirely altruistic, you do for me." I think I just need to keep getting out there. And keep doing something. And never stop.
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